Category Archives: ambivalence

Being honest&open

Note: This is a story. I'll post stories from time to time. Keep in mind that
 they might be fictional, or non-fictional. But they are stories.

- Nowadays i'm hallucinating dinosaurs.
- You're clinging to the past.
- What?The past? Why?
- I don't know. Maybe you want to bring back something?
- I like your girly outfit. Sneakers, long socks, t-shirts. Jeans,
 lousy hair.
- I can wear those once a week.
- What? Just like this?
- Yeah. If you want it, i'll do it.
- But if that's so easy...
- It is. You can tell me if you want something!
- You didn't like that in the past?
- Like what?
- The pain. The scratches. I want to hurt you.
- That's okay,too.
- Okay how? You couldn't stand the pain. I saw you crying, screaming, 
suffering from it.
- It has changed.
- But your mind!
- After it, i was calm.
- Calm? Really?
- Yes. I was relaxed.
- You never told me.
- You never asked.

Inside thought

What if you have someone who could do things to you that noone did to you before?

Would you be shocked? Blissful? Or just angry at yourself?

Personally, i’m puzzled.

This someone is not only a threat to you, but a teacher, too. Makes you feel both whole, and torn apart. Curious and tired. This someone can take you to a journey where you dance with insanity, you feel the edges of your personality, figthing, arguing with each other.

Still you desire him, even if it’s hatred what lies deep inside your soul. They tell you it is real if you feel it. At least to you, isn’t it?